A Red vs. Blue Christmas

‘Twas a cold, winter’s night, and down at blue base,
Life slowly went by at a monotonous pace;
Artillery was left without guard, and who cared?
Attack the blue base? Red Team wouldn’t dare!
Down in the bunker Caboose and Church sat,
Wishing for something that they could shoot at.
While Tex in her grey and Sis in her yellow.
Hoped command would send out a more ‘interesting’ fellow.
Then, to their surprise who should come running in?
‘Twas Tucker with an unhelpful look of chagrin.
“They’re just over the hill!” He yelled in great haste.
“To your posts!” shouted Church, “They will not take our base!”
From the roof they could see the Reds getting quite close,
In their beat up Warthog and a couple of Ghosts.
From below, in the garage came an engine-like sound,
As Sheila drove out, and her gun swung around.
“So, now what?” said Caboose “all these buttons are swell.”
“Oops, wrong one.” And he cringed as the tank fired a shell.
Church whirled around to see what had been done.
Only to be hit by the shell from the gun.
“Not again,” mumbled Church “as he slowly expired”
“Oh crap!” Caboose yelled. “I must have misfired!”
From the ridge came the taunts and cat-calls of the Reds
And once again it seemed the blue leader was dead.
“Shut-up you ninnies!” Sarge yelled to his troop.
“We can’t give the Blues any time to regroup.
Donut and Grif you head on ‘round the flank.
Simmons and I will go take out the tank.”
With the Reds closing in and Blues without command
It seemed that the end of Blue Team was at hand.
When what, in the shimmering stars should appear
But a Covenant ship full of troops drawing near.
Down through the snowflakes the transport descended,
As both teams watched it land, their shared thought was “how splendid!”
The Red vs. Blue fight, for a time set aside
Turned both forces against the real ‘enemy side.’
The nighttime Blood Gulch, lit with deadly crossfire,
And for Covenant forces the outcome looked dire.
As their ship lifted up with equipment all loaded.
Sheila hit the fuel tank and it promptly exploded.
“Woohoo! Explosions!” Grif yelled as it thundered.
“This is definitely better than episode 100.”
Off in the distance the sun started to rise
Donut danced with excitement, “It’s Christmas you guys!”
“Do I get a pony?” Caboose said with great glee.
“Do I get to kill Tucker?” Tex asked hopefully.
“Hey now” said Tucker, as Tex raised her gun.
“All I wanted was just to have some kinky fun.”
“I can oblige!” Sister said “Lets do it nonstop”
“As long as sometimes I get to be on top.”
Tex sighed with disgust, and walked off towards the base
As Sister gave Tucker a girlish embrace.
The rest wandered off at a tired-looking lurch,
While Sis wondered what they would do without Church.
“Who cares?” Tucker said. “But as for right now,
Merry Christmas to all and Bow Chicka Bow Wow”